What Not To Wear: Baby Edition

September 10, 2022

We polled the parents on a Facebook page to find out what kinds of apparel they would not allow their children to wear. The following is a list of things that some mothers have mentioned as styles that they do not want their children to wear, despite the fact that this is a highly subjective topic and, to be completely honest, none of us have the same ideas on any of these fashions.

  1.  Camoflague: It is much too early in their lives to begin training our children for combat. Even though it has become increasingly popular in recent years, many of you do not want your children to wear camouflage.
  1.  Bikinis: There were no "likes" left for the teeny-tiny swimwear on Facebook.
  1.  Mentions to Mommy and Daddy in various places: A picture of a boat with the words "Mommy's Little Sailor" over it? What's Wild About Daddy when it's printed in cheetah? You all respond with "No, thank you." Especially not this extraordinarily vivid ode to the father-child bond that is being paid in tribute to the infant. Umm.
  1.  Pastel creatures: In addition to that, neon animals. Also, autos with neon lights. Now, this one is rather open to interpretation. I believe that cheesiness, in general, is what we are trying to get at here. Or maybe simply ugliness? It makes me feel horrible that I had to choose one thing to portray.
  1.  Turtlenecks: There is no need for any further discussion. However, we will. Because, as one mother from San Francisco put it, "a newborn shouldn't look like Steve Jobs in a small black faux turtleneck onesie." 
  1.  Statements that this infant might turn out to be a brat in the future. It has been decided that the claims "I Heart Boobies," "Little Monster," "Call Me Princess," "Lady Killer," and similar ones are not valid.
  1.  Writing on the bottom of the baby’s cheek: What could possibly be worse than a onesie that proclaims the wearer to be a "Little Diva"? a phrase that is direct and to the point.
  1.  Skulls: They are considered weird by a lot of mothers. There are enough people who disagree with the assertion that Honest Co makes diapers with skulls. Oh well. You can purchase these at Target. Or don't if you detest skulls.
  1.  Licensed apparel for the NFL, NASCAR, and NBA: Some parents feel uneasy about the prospect of their child serving as a billboard for companies that make millions of dollars annually. This includes the Disney company. That makes sense.

Overalls are an additional matter for debate. Wait, overalls have a certain charm about them, don't they? Or do you not like wearing overalls? We are unable to inform you.

No matter how much you agree or disagree with the choices made above, we can guarantee that by the time our children are adults, we will find everything adorable, even if it involves wearing a NASCAR turtleneck with neon animal-themed overalls. This is the case regardless of how much you agree or disagree with the choices made above.

To learn more about babies and mothering, visit our blog. 

Thomas studied Bachelor Studies in Family Life and Child Development. He now spearheads our team of writers and editors and ensures the quality of articles we write here in Mothering21.

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